Why We Walk on Eggshells

If you grew up walking on eggshells, there’s a chance you’re an over-achiever, highly anxious, or feel like you need to be perfect.

Here’s why:

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 28, 2023

When we’re raised by parent figures who are: highly critical, have intense mood swings, or are easily emotionally reactive, we learn to walk on eggshells.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 28, 2023

Walking on eggshells looks like:
- holding back what we actually think or feel
- monitoring a parent’s mood (out of fear)
- being terrified of getting in trouble at school because of the punishment you’ll get
- inconsistent boundaries and punishments

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 28, 2023

Parent figures in these homes make decisions based on their own emotional impulses, not what is best for their children.

Children in these homes learn their developmental needs aren’t going to be met and adapt the best they can.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 28, 2023

Over time, the body goes into a hyper vigilant state.

We subconsciously notice every shift in a parent’s voice, their facial expression, or their mood.

Our body‘s alarm is always “on.”

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 28, 2023

Because one person controls the entire emotional climate of the home, we typically focus in on that parent figure.

This is extremely confusing because we fear the same person we love and who our survival depends on.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 28, 2023

Many people who grow up walking on egg shells become perfectionists or overachievers.

We’ve learned that our emotional needs won’t be met, and the only way we’re accepted is if we cause no problem or issue.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 28, 2023

We might also suffer from hypervigilance (often called social anxiety) where we don’t feel safe around people, we startle easily, and have racing or fear based thoughts.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 28, 2023

Picture your childhood home.

What was the energy? How did the adults react on a daily basis. Could you let your guard down or was your defense up as a child?

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 28, 2023

Now think about yourself today.

How do you feel in your adult home? Are you relaxed and at ease in your sanctuary? Are you anxious, feeling like you always have to fix something or clean? Do you get a feeling of panic when someone walks in the room?

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 28, 2023

If you do, it’s likely you have some hypervigilance going on.

The body always remembers, and it can send stress signals even when our (current) environment has no danger because we experienced danger in the past.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 28, 2023

There’s no quick fix for hypervigilance.

It involves creating new habits that allow our body to balance. Sleep, nutrition (gut health), meditation, movement, breathwork, sun and cold exposure are all part of healing.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 28, 2023

And of course therapy or community support if this is available to you.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 28, 2023

Take small steps. Be patient.

Walking on eggshells in childhood creates a lifelong impact.

You’re not alone.

Share your experience in the comments if you grew up this way.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 28, 2023