How To Become More Emotionally Mature In Relationships
Emotionally immature people take everything personally and feel deeply activated by perceived criticism. Reframing criticism, understanding internal shame, and learning to accept criticism are all key to becoming more emotionally mature in relationships.
Dr. Nicole LePera
#1 New York Times Bestselling Author “How To Do The Work”(https://t.co/HF3UY9ia4Q) Founder of @selfhealerscirc 👇🏼Join Waitlist 👇🏼
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Emotionally immature people take everything personally and feel deeply activated by perceived criticism.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 26, 2023
How To Become More Emotionally Mature: -
Emotionally immature people are deeply activated by perceived criticism. This is because they feel a lot of internal shame.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 26, 2023
So, they constantly feel the need to defend themselves. -
Having a close relationship is difficult because they deflect any time they feel they've been criticized. Deflection is a protection mechanism we use to say to avoid criticism or blame.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 26, 2023 -
Deflection Sounds Like:
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 26, 2023
-"I did that because you did x"
-"I'm always the bad guy"
-"It's not my fault you are too emotional"
-"If I'm so horrible, why don't you just leave me"
-"You're so dramatic"
-"Can't we just have peace?"
-"You're mean!" -
To mature, we have to end our pattern of deflection. This will allow us to be more vulnerable and connected to the people we love. It shows us we care about their feelings, that we want to grow, and that we can handle our own discomfort.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 26, 2023 -
How To Mature In Relationships:
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 26, 2023
1. Reframe criticism: if your partner says "I feel hurt when you don't check in" you might be hearing: "you are a bad person because you didn't check in."
Notice when you take things as a personal attack. -
2. Ask a follow up question: instead of defending yourself or shutting down, ask a follow up question. For example: "Are you asking me to check in more? Would that help you feel more connected?"
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 26, 2023 -
3. Don't make people walk on eggshells: being highly reactive can cause people to fear coming to you. Take deep breaths when you feel uncomfortable. Tell yourself "I am safe." Mature people don't use reactivity to avoid situations.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 26, 2023 -
4. Learn how to feel uncomfortable: we deflect because we're uncomfortable and scared of abandonment. And that's ok. Learn how to listen to someone even when you're feeling conflicting emotions. Practice active listening without interruption.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 26, 2023 -
5. Find solutions and connection: mature people go into conflict seeking solutions. They can accept they have flaws and seek to find a middle ground. They stay connected instead of shutting down. This builds trust and emotional intimacy.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 26, 2023 -
Retweet if you found this helpful.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 26, 2023
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who lacked emotional maturity?
Let's talk about it in the comments.
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