A Simple Question to Transform Your Relationships

A simple question that may transform your relationships.

Helped, Heard, or Hugged: pic.twitter.com/M1WMo0QGAi

— Sahil Bloom (@SahilBloom) June 7, 2023

Confession: I'm a recovering fixer.

When people come to me with problems, my bias is to try to fix them.

This is (mostly) good in a professional context, but when you bring this bias into your relationships, the results can be decidedly mixed.

— Sahil Bloom (@SahilBloom) June 7, 2023

What I came to realize: Sometimes, people don't want you to fix it. They just want you to be there.

Helped, Heard, or Hugged lets you give the other person what they need in a situation.

I first read about it in a NYT Well article and have used it since.

Here's how it works: pic.twitter.com/Y1VAeI8FCo

— Sahil Bloom (@SahilBloom) June 7, 2023

When someone you love has a problem, ask, "Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?

• Helped: Deconstruct the problem and identify potential solutions.

• Heard: Listen intently and allow the other person to vent.

• Hugged: Provide comforting physical touch.

That's it.

— Sahil Bloom (@SahilBloom) June 7, 2023

The idea is to ask the question to create a two-way awareness of what is needed.

After a while, it becomes a pattern you recognize without asking.

If you've ever struggled to identify what your partner, friend, or family member needs in a situation, give this a shot.

— Sahil Bloom (@SahilBloom) June 7, 2023

“Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?”

• Helped: Deconstruct and identify solutions.

• Heard: Listen intently.

• Hugged: Provide comforting physical touch.

If you enjoyed this, follow me @SahilBloom for more and RT the original tweet to share it with others. https://t.co/KPCpQrMJYk

— Sahil Bloom (@SahilBloom) June 7, 2023

I talked about Helped, Heard, or Hugged on a podcast with my friend @JayAlderton in London.

It works wonders. pic.twitter.com/vLjffyKxuu

— Sahil Bloom (@SahilBloom) June 7, 2023

The idea isn’t that you will always have to explicitly ask the question.

The idea is that by asking the question, you start to build out a mental pattern for what the person is looking for in a given situation.

It makes you a more thoughtful partner or friend in the future.

— Sahil Bloom (@SahilBloom) June 7, 2023

Immensely appreciative of this beautiful woman for putting up with my years of Mr. Fix It behavior.

Nothing would be possible without her love and support.

My ❤️ pic.twitter.com/FsjDXCIXpr

— Sahil Bloom (@SahilBloom) June 7, 2023