The Silent Treatment: A Form of Emotional Abuse

The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse.

It's used to control a situation and to avoid healthy communication.

Here's why: pic.twitter.com/m6B2tmoN17

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 19, 2023

The silent treatment is:
- walking by someone on a daily basis ignoring their existence
- using silence to get someone to do something or to change their behavior
- using silence to avoid conflict, refusing to talk anything out

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 19, 2023

- not speaking to someone for extended periods, then speaking to them as if nothing happened
- using silence to make someone beg to be spoken to
- looking "through" someone at dinner, at events, etc. to demonstrate disapproval

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 19, 2023

Example:

Mark is upset with a purchase his wife made. For 2 weeks, in front of their children he ignores her presence. She's on edge every day he comes home from work wondering if she'll be spoken to.

She pleads for him to talk to her, he ignores her.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 19, 2023

The silent treatment is not:
- setting a clear boundary with someone
- removing yourself from a toxic or abusive relationship
- taking space when needed
- not engaging in a conflict that you feel is unhealthy

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 19, 2023

The silent treatment is used by people who are conflict avoidant. People who use the silent treatment struggle to cope with their own emotions. They lack the skills to openly communicate and find healthy ways to resolve conflict.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 19, 2023

When done on a regular basis, it's an abusive pattern. It creates hypervigilance, or "walking on egg shells." It creates high anxiety about upsetting someone or saying or doing the wrong thing.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 19, 2023

Self worth becomes damaged. The person feels shameful, humiliated, and insecure because the person who loves us denies their very existence.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 19, 2023

The person giving the silent treatment gets a false sense of control over the situation. By not speaking to someone (and deciding when they'll speak to the person again) they don't have to self reflect, talk openly, or allow another person's emotions in.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 19, 2023

The person giving the silent treatment will one day speak again. They usually won't acknowledge their behavior and act as if everything is fine. Their expectation is to go on as if everything is normal.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 19, 2023

If you're experiencing the silent treatment, it's important to set clear boundaries. To not enable it by begging for someone to speak to you, and to focus on relationships with mature people who are able to disagree in safe ways.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 19, 2023