How to Have a Healthy Confrontation

Confrontation is overwhelming for people, which is why we avoid it. But, without confronting issues, those issues will only continue.

How to Have a Healthy Confrontation: pic.twitter.com/bvaWlZd2oj

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 17, 2023

Healthy confrontation is the act of assertively expressing an issue so that we can find a solution. Many of us have grown up in homes where we haven't learned how to confront issues directly so we avoid them or we address them in hostile ways.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 17, 2023

It allows us to assert our boundaries and let another person know where we stand. If we have an issue, we need to clearly communicate that issue if we want to see change.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 17, 2023

HOW TO HAVE HEALTHY CONFRONTATION:

1. Find the core issue: in order to confront something, you need to be aware of what the issue is.

ex: "I notice you call me idiot or stupid, and even as a joke I don't want to be called those those things."

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 17, 2023

2. Allow the reaction: when confronted, some people have an intense stress response and they become highly defensive or reactive. Focus on slow breathing, and try to remain calm. The only thing you can control is your response.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 17, 2023

3. Don't go into over-explaining: if someone goes into invalidation ("you're way too sensitive") don't over-explain. You don't need to defend yourself. This is about letting someone know what you will or won't tolerate.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 17, 2023

4. Stand firm in the boundary: "I understand you probably didn't notice you were doing that, or meant it in a light-hearted way, but I don't want to be talked to that way."

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 17, 2023

5. Self Soothe: confrontation is highly activating for our nervous system and for some people who've been raised with abusive or authoritarian parents it can feel crippling. Take care of yourself after: go for a walk, take some deep breaths, let yourself cry.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 17, 2023

In my work, I notice people have issues with the way they're treated by other people. They tend to think about these things within their minds, and rarely tell the person directly: "I don't like this" "I don't want to be spoken to that way"

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 17, 2023

We can't expect people to know what we need without telling them.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 17, 2023

There's also a chance that after a confrontation, the person ignores your request and continues the behavior. This is when it's time to evaluate the person in our lives, and the role they have within our own lives.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 17, 2023

Emotionally healthy people will understand your needs, and do the best they can to meet them (within reason.)

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) March 17, 2023