The Golden Child and Emotionally Immature Parents
The “golden child” is loved for what they do, not who they are. They become an extension of their parent’s self worth. This blog looks at why the golden child learns to wear a mask, and why emotionally immature parents lack an authentic sense of self.
Dr. Nicole LePera
#1 New York Times Bestselling Author “How To Do The Work”(https://t.co/HF3UY9ia4Q) Founder of @selfhealerscirc 👇🏼Join Waitlist 👇🏼
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The “golden child” is loved for what they do, not who they are. They become an extension of their parent’s self worth.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 3, 2023
Why the golden child learns to wear a mask: -
Emotionally immature parents (EIP) lack an authentic sense of self. Because their self worth is fragile, they unconsciously look to their children to provide them a sense of worthiness.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 3, 2023 -
The golden child is usually chosen because they are the most neutral, passive, and agreeable child. They’re also highly sensitive and are aware of the role they are to play within the family.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 3, 2023 -
The parent projects all the positive aspects they wish to have in themselves onto the golden child. Some parents take this to an extreme, labeling their children as: perfect, gifted, and they create grandiose fantasies about who their child.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 3, 2023 -
They shower them with affection and accolades, normally about achievement. The child is learning: I am responsible for upholding this identity. And even more confusing, I don’t know who I actually am.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 3, 2023 -
In reality, no child is perfect. Just as not adult is perfect. But, instead of getting an opportunity to embrace their humanity, the golden child begins to wear a mask. They appear to have it all together, but feel with crushing self doubt and anxiety.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 3, 2023 -
Naturally agreeable and neutral, they learn to hide their true feelings. Their true preferences, and their flaws. Maintaining the codependent relationship with a parent will naturally be a child’s sole objective— even over creating a true identity.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 3, 2023 -
As an adult, the golden child has never been loved for who they actually are. This creates feelings of loneliness, isolation, and depression. They usually build their life to be “perfect,” and feel empty inside.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 3, 2023 -
Their parental bond is based on a false image— a surface relationship. With no true connection because the parent lives the child for an idea of who they are, not who they actually are.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 3, 2023 -
Because the golden child has to always have it “all together” they feel uncomfortable talking about their feelings. They tend to be extremely dissociated, disconnected, and numb to what they truly feel.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 3, 2023
A survival adaptation from childhood. -
Healing for the golden child is about self recovery: learning who they actually are. Spending time doing things that brings them joy, and finding community or chosen family that allows them to be vulnerable and self express, rather than play a role.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 3, 2023 -
Were you the golden child? Share your story in the comments.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 3, 2023
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