Giving Kind and Effective Feedback
Find out how to help someone grow without being a jerk. Learn how to give kind and effective feedback and make sure your words don't crush someone.
Jasper Polak
Founder of https://t.co/Cf21RV15S3 - exploring & sharing how you can become a smarter project manager | COO & Operations Coach
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A former manager crushed me with her "direct feedback".
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023
Her kick in the teeth sent me on a quest for kind & effective feedback.
Here's how you help someone grow (without being a jerk): -
It's a rainy December evening in 2016.
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023
I'm sitting in a poorly-lit meeting room.
Empty coffee cups everywhere.
Sleeves rolled up: it's game time.
As I hand the partner a draft of our executive memo,
I'm about to get kicked in the teeth.
She reads through and looks up at me: -
"If this is your best version, I'll find someone else to write it."
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023
Ouch.
The Dutch are straight shooters, but what she said just made me feel like sh*t.
She showed me how not to give feedback.
So I went down a rabbit hole to find out what to do instead.
Here's what I found: -
Praise in public, but give feedback in private - create the conditions for them to hear what you have to say.
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023 -
Effective feedback is a gift, not an insult.
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023 -
Aim your feedback at the action or work, not at the person.
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023 -
Explain your perception of the action without accusing - this keeps you out of right vs wrong.
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023 -
Effective feedback is emphatic and clear: no need to be a jerk, but don't sugarcoat it either.
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023 -
Feedback contributes to a behavioral change or growth, it's not a time & place to unload.
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023 -
You can only give feedback if expectations were clear upfront.
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023 -
Give genuine positive feedback frequently to normalize feedback and practice your delivery.
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023 -
Effective feedback builds a culture of trust, transparency, and growth within your team.
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023 -
Never give feedback in the moment: note it, retreat, calm down, forgive & prepare.
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023 -
Remove ambiguity by using a specific example, don't come with a vague & general observation.
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023 -
Show the other person why they should care by linking your feedback to their goals.
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023 -
Effective feedback is timely: if you wait too long, the window for reflection & change has closed.
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023 -
Telling people what to do takes away ownership - ask them to find a different way instead.
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023 -
The goal of giving effective feedback is not to send, but to be heard.
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023 -
Oh, and the memo?
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023
It got late that evening, but we pulled it off.
And after some feedback on her feedback,
We had a good laugh about the situation a few days later. -
Effective feedback follows 7 simple steps.
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023
If you want a deep-dive that walks you through each step (with examples), grab it here:https://t.co/yNrBocwP7j -
Ideas are easy.
— Jasper Polak (@polak_jasper) June 27, 2023
Execution is everything.
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