Exploring the Taboo of Family Estrangement
Family bonds are essential to human survival, yet estrangement is a taboo topic. This blog explores the complexity of family dynamics, from walking on eggshells to pretending everything is ok when it's not. Let's talk about it!
Dr. Nicole LePera
#1 New York Times Bestselling Author “How To Do The Work”(https://t.co/HF3UY9ia4Q) Founder of @selfhealerscirc 👇🏼Join Waitlist 👇🏼
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If you're estranged from family, you might feel alone.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 6, 2023
It's taboo.
Let's talk about it: -
No one wants to be estranged from family members. We are quite literally evolved to bond and depend as family as are original "tribe." Humans seek safe, dependable, connections by nature.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 6, 2023 -
For many people family is a sense of support, belonging, and understanding. There's trust there and family enriches their lives. We sometimes believe all people experience these type of family bonds.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 6, 2023 -
For some people family bonds mean walking on eggshells or living in fear, keeping secrets, and pretending things are ok when they're not.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 6, 2023 -
Sometimes the term "family is everything" is used as a way to excuse abuse, dysfunction, and toxic choices that exist within the family unit. Anyone who speaks up or sets boundaries becomes the issue.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 6, 2023 -
Just because someone is family, doesn't mean it's ok for the relationship to be abusive or to impact our mental health. Dysfunctional relationships can cause disease, put us into survival mode, and keep us re-living cycles of trauma.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 6, 2023 -
Choosing estrangement is one of the most gut wrenching, painful processes. It brings complicated emotions like guilt, shame, fear, and often relief. Our culture sells the idea of selfless, loving, parents and not everyone has this privilege.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 6, 2023 -
People who choose estrangement can feel alone in their choice. Because it's stigmatized in culture. This only adds to the shame and guilt of having to make one of the most difficult choices in life.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 6, 2023 -
They might hear:
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 6, 2023
- "but that's your father!"
- "You only get one mother"
- "I mean it's your brother, can't you guys just try to patch things up"
- "no one is perfect"
- "blood is thicker than water" -
Usually, these things are said because people are deeply uncomfortable with their own feelings around family estrangement. We've been conditioned to believe it's a betrayal. In reality, not every relationship is mean to be maintained.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 6, 2023 -
Estrangement can be the healthiest choice. It can feel like a relief, like getting your life back together, and like you finally are free to become the person you were meant to be.
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 6, 2023 -
If you've experienced this, what has it been like for you?
— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) June 6, 2023
Support in the comments.
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