Dealing with Emotionally Immature People

Emotionally immature people aren't able to self reflect. They've mastered deflection or the ability to blame other people.

How To Deal With Emotionally Immature People: pic.twitter.com/zfqfGQYZ5n

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 2, 2023

Emotional maturity has nothing to do with age.

Emotional maturity has to do with our ability to self regulate, self reflect, and hold space for the emotions of other people.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 2, 2023

A key trait of emotional immaturity is a desire to blame, deflect, or project issues onto other people. This is because emotionally immature people are uncomfortable with their own internal emotional state.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 2, 2023

When they experience uncomfortable emotions, they externalize (or blame other people) in an attempt to remove them.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 2, 2023

Externalizing sounds like:
- "oh, you're being so dramatic!"
- "I did that to you because you made me"
- "I guess I'm just a terrible person and you hate me"
- "You're crazy!"
- "Sorry you're so sensitive, it was a joke"

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 2, 2023

Most emotionally immature people have mastered deflection. Deflection is moving the focus from themselves, to other people. This is because they carry a lot of shame, and feel the need to self protect.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 2, 2023

Deflection looks like:
- dominating conversations
- getting the focus off of themselves (distraction)
- interrupting or cutting someone off
- making passive aggressive comments
- weaponizing the past
- "stonewalling" shutting down or ignoring issues

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 2, 2023

Some people still try to "get through" to people who are committed to blaming and deflecting.

The truth is: we can't get someone to see what they're not willing to see.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 2, 2023

We can't get someone to listen to our experience or point of view when they are easily emotionally activated and full of shame.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 2, 2023

Understanding that someone's emotionally immature can help us navigate a relationship with them. Or, understand the role they can have in our lives.

How To Respond To Emotionally Immature People:

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 2, 2023

1. Allow them to be committed to misunderstanding you: emotionally immature people get a rise and sense of connection from conflict. Often to the point where it can feel like they have a "court case" against you.

You do not need to engage.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 2, 2023

2. Don't try to be heard: if someone consistently invalidates your feelings, it's a sign they're not capable of holding space for them.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 2, 2023

3. Picture a child when you get overwhelmed: many people are still the ages of small children, emotionally. It can be helpful to picture a child to remind you to keep you cool and to stay compassionate.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 2, 2023

4. "I'll think about that": emotionally immature people can be highly opinionated and push their opinions onto others. Rather than getting into a debate, neutralize the interaction by using this saying.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 2, 2023

5. Don't expect emotional support: this can be painful if the person is a parent or close friend, but emotionally immature people struggle with their own emotions and won't be able to support yours.

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 2, 2023

Do you have an emotionally immature person in your life?

How do you navigate the relationship?

Let's talk about it.

Share your experience in the comments...

— Dr. Nicole LePera (@Theholisticpsyc) April 2, 2023